Manage Your Time: Learn to Say No

I can’t give you a recipe for success, but I can give you a recipe for failure: try to please everybody.

Frank Langella

There is nothing more exhausting than having too much on your plate at one time. Yet when someone asks for or invites us to do something, the instinct is to say yes. You put it on your ever-growing to-do list. You know you don’t have time, but you just can’t say no.

After a while of saying yes, you find that you have no time to complete anything, spend time with loved ones or take time to just relax. You find yourself managing projects and engagements instead of your time.

Even worse, you may find yourself resenting taking on the task or the person who gave you the project. You feel overwhelmed and over worked. You become physically and mentally exhausted. Now you’re angry, stressed, and exhausted.

Saying No is a Good Thing

In the book The Power of No, entrepreneur and author James Altucher writes: “When you say yes to something you don’t want to do, here is the result: you hate what you are doing, you resent the person who asked you, and you hurt yourself.” Just an FYI the link to the book is an affiliate link. If you buy it, A Writer’s Writer may receive a commission.

You know you don’t have capacity for anything else, but how do you say no to the offer without feeling guilty? Short answer – at first, you don’t. The only people who have zero issues with saying no are toddlers. Anyone who has spent five minutes with one knows no is the response to anything they don’t want to do.

Saying yes is a conditioned response we learn as children. When we say yes, it means we’re helpful, kind, and compassionate. It’s also how we make friends by agreeing to ‘hang out’ and do things with other kids. We also think that’s how we get ahead in our professional lives, too. Learning to manage your time by saying no isn’t easy but it can be done.

It is time to tap into your inner toddler and learn to say no again. Saying no, can not only be good for your career or business, but also your mental wellbeing. How you ask, simple. By learning to say no and meaning it, you will free up time to do what’s most important to you. It will also reduce your stress and allow you time to take care of yourself.

Why Can’t I Say No?

The first step to learning to say no again is to figure out why you are always saying yes. There may be very deep emotional reasons based in trauma. If there are, you may want to seek help from someone who specializes in trauma. For our purposes we’ll concentrate on the most common reasons.

• Feeling of guilt that you may let someone down
• Not wanting to be perceived as not caring or being unhelpful
• Wanting to be liked, don’t want to be the bad guy
• Avoiding confrontation

Once you’ve figured out your reason for never saying no, then you can begin working on how to say no and ways to manage your time more effectively.

It’s important to understand every time you say yes to something you’re saying no to something else. You’re also putting others’ needs above your own. The next time someone asks you to do something, think about what you’re saying no to, if you say yes.

Will you be giving up time with loved ones? Will you miss out on completing an important project? Will you be passing on activities that rejuvenate and support your mental well-being?

How Do I Say No?

Because telling people no is a new and difficult habit to build, I suggest at first that you not respond to requests or invitations of your time immediately. This is what worked for me. It’s quite alright to ask if you can get back with them. Ask that they text or email their request. Doing this gives you time to make sure if you need to say no and how to turn them down.

Most no responses fall into three categories: Rules, Commitments, and potential compromise.

Set your rules

 These are things that you just never say yes to. They may start with phrases like “I’ve stopped”, or “I have a rule”. The cliché it’s not you, it’s me really does apply here. It’s nothing personal. These are your boundaries. Some responses might include:

• I only take business calls during business hours
• I’ve stopped taking on new projects until X time
• I have a rule not to do seminars on the weekends

Time Commitments

This is where scheduling and managing your time really comes into play. When someone asks you to do something explain that your time is fully committed. Simply explaining why you aren’t available goes a long way to helping you say no.

• I’m working on a manuscript that is due by X
• I’ve planned an outing with my family that weekend
• I’ve dedicated Fridays to research for my new book

Another tip that works for me, keep your calendar up to date. Schedule every step of every project, every appointment, including travel time (Dr. appointments, interviews that type of thing), every personal commitment (think gym or family time). This way you know exactly what you’re doing and when you’re doing it. This not only lets you know what you’re doing, it helps you stay on track. If it’s in writing it is a commitment.

Potential For Compromise

There may be times where you can’t take on a full project, but you know someone who can. Or you may have time to help on one or two pieces of the project. It’s also possible that can come up with some ideas that will help them without taking on the project. Instead of a firm no, you may be able to make a counteroffer.

• I’m not able to take on a new project right now, but I can put you in touch with someone who can
• I don’t have time right now to help with everything, but I can help you with these one or two things.
• I won’t be able attend that meeting on Monday, but I’ll send you some ideas tomorrow.

The hardest, but most important part is standing firm once you do say no. Learning to manage your time by saying no when necessary is one of the most powerful tools you have in your productivity belt. Use it wisely and you will find people respect your time more and you begin to thrive in your professional and most importantly personal life.

Download my quick reference guide Learn to Say No here. This reference will guide you through the process of reclaiming the word no.

Leave me a comment with any questions. Also, if you want to share, I’d love to hear how saying now positively impacts you. Wishing you much happiness in your unique journey.