There is Only One Success…Yours

“There is only one success…to be able to spend your life in your own way.”

Christopher Morley

What is success? Merriam-Webster’s definition of success is – “the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame.” This is the definition we are given by our parents and other adults. And it is this definition of success that we spend our lives striving toward.

This definition of success is material and limited. Because of this limited and material view of success, we find ourselves measuring our own accomplishments in life against this societal construct and other people. This causes us to judge our accomplishments too harshly. The fact is, only a very small percentage of people go on to achieve this material success as defined by Merriam-Webster and society. That very narrow definition sets us all up to perceive ourselves as failures.

Measuring Success

So how do we measure success? First, as infants our success is measured by how quickly we reach milestones like sitting up, walking, and speaking. As we head to school our success is measured by our grades, athletic abilities or if we have another extraordinary talent. As we reach high school, we are conditioned that to succeed we need to get a “good education” by attending university. So, we use our academic, athletic, or other achievements to get into a good school. How successful we are is all contingent on how “good” that school really is.

Once college is done, we are expected to land a prestigious position where we make a lot of money, buy a fancy car and a big house. Athletes are expected to turn pro and make millions, own several houses and cars. Those of us with artistic talents are also expected to become “rich and famous” and attain all the above, too.

The truth is that is not success. There is another definition of success. It focuses less on material accomplishments and more on what fulfills us has human beings. It is deeper and more spiritual, and it is different for each of us. It’s individual and as unique as we are.  

I spent the first half of my life pursuing the unattainable dictionary definition of success. I checked all the boxes. I had good grades, went to college, had a career where I made good money. That allowed me to have some of the trappings of success a nice car, nice place to live, was able to take a couple of vacations a year and buy almost anything I wanted.  Sounds great. Except, in my mind, I never quite attained the definition of success I was given. I wasn’t famous or wealthy. I did have respect, but let’s be honest, isn’t fame or wealth really the litmus test for success?

Following a Dream?

In 2020 when the world sort of stopped, like many people I took time to reflect on my life and looked within. While I discovered I had some measure of success, I really didn’t feel successful. I was just doing what was expected.  

That’s when it hit me, my own definition of success is very different from the one in the dictionary. It’s more spiritual. Yours is too, I’ll bet. Except for everyone wanting to earn respect, success is measured differently by each of us.

My spiritual definition of success is more about passion, authenticity, and creativity. What I discovered during my time of reflection is unfortunately, as I worked toward the dictionary definition of success, I lost sight of what sparks my passion and therefore my joy. I suppressed my uniqueness and modeled myself after others who I perceived as successful. I lost my sense of self.

Without really realizing it, I had grown very unhappy in my job. It was destroying my physical and mental health. More importantly, it was destroying my relationships with my wife and friends. To conform to expectations and move forward in my job, I allowed myself to become bottled up and isolated from the very people I cared most about.

I also realized that my career did not tap into my creativity in the way I wanted my journey in life to follow. Deep inside there was a creative imaginative human waiting to jump to the forefront again. That was why I never felt like I had fully achieved success.

Almost a year ago, before the “great resignation” became a thing, I resigned from my corporate gig and headed down the path of self-rediscovery. My professional success had afforded me that opportunity. For that I am forever grateful. And so, I am rediscovering myself slowly every day. I am reembracing my uniqueness.

Find Your Own Definition

Now, I’m not advocating for people to quit the job that allows them to provide the necessities of life. That was just what I needed to do to recenter my life. What I am recommending is to sit down for a few minutes and ask yourself this question, “In what areas of my life do I consider myself truly successful?” What did you come up with? I’m guessing it had very little to do with your education, career/job, car, or house. What you came up with is yours and yours alone.

Your success will most likely come in the form of family, friends, and your creativity. It will be about authenticity to your soul. All those things that are on the periphery of your life outside of material trappings we sometimes take for granted.

Once you’ve discovered your own definition it will resonate with you. You will see that you really are successful in life. That is true success.

Need More Help?

If you need help changing your mindset, download Shonda’s e-book Passion. Purpose. Persistence! Setting Yourself Up for Success.

Leave me a comment with any questions. Also, if you want to share, I’d love to hear what definition of success you discover for yourself. Wishing you much happiness in your unique journey.